More than Enough.

Call me Captain Obvious, but I just had a moment where I realised how amazing God is.

I was singing a song in my head, that goes "You came to Earth to die, so that I could live"... which is basically the message of the most famous scripture ever quoted; John 3:16...
"For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not die, but have everlasting life".

I've remembered that verse, off by heart since I was a small child. I didn't grow up going to church regularly, but I did know my John 3:16. But for some reason, all my life I have also kind of viewed this everlasting life like some kind of MacGyver existence, like a Wonka's everlasting Gobstopper... like something I know to be true, yet seems too good for that label of truth.

But the honest truth is, God 'so loved' that He gave. That was his knee-jerk response to love. Sometimes we think that we are so generous because we gave out of our lack, or did something that nobody asked us to do, or even secretly let go of our own agenda to lift up somebody else's. And yeah, all of this is great. That's the kind of stuff a Christian is made of. But here's the thing: the most generous thing I could ever do pails in comparison to the generosity that Jesus has already shown. We can't outgive God. We can try, and heck - lets try- but know this... God gave it all.

We give up money... we give up time... we give up dreams... we give up our plans... but not one of us could give our life for the eternity of humanity. Not one of us. That was Jesus's job, and he's done it. Regardless of whether you believe he did it or not, it is done.

Funny thing is, when he gave up his life... thats where He really found his purpose. His pain, my gain. His gift gave me life.

Expectations.

I used to think that when I got to be 24, I would be married or something. Maybe at least, be in a relationship. I probably didn't think I would be spending so much time trying so hard to learn the guitar, filling my room with guitars, spending my tax return on a new guitar and wishing I could skateboard while playing the guitar. I probably thought I'd be wearing professional clothing and sensible shoes. I probably thought I would have a grown-ups bed... not a loft bed (which is a glorified top bunk). I think I thought 24 was old.

Its not.

Not for me, anyway.

I have come to understand that my plans do not affect God's timing. I can sit here all day and decide my five-year-plan, I can spend my life what I will do with it... when all the while the opportunity to do those things is whittling away as I plan. There's faith: then there's deeds. Then There's God. I know which one is the boss.

I'm sick to death of being told (outwardly, and subliminally) what life should look like. I am sick of the idea that money brings happiness. Money brings 'stuff' and 'stuff' gathers dust, and ends up being sold on eBay. I am sick of thinking I've got to be skinny to have fun or be loved. I am sick of thinking that LOVE is one dimensional romance. I'm sick of the underlying message that a girl's happiness can only be found in the arms of a man.

Sometimes... that man won't treat you like he should. Sometimes he will suck the life out of you, until you're a shell of who you once were... and neither of you will know it until its been done. Sometimes... you'll lose the weight but not the baggage that came with it. Sometimes... you'll have more money than sense, live in a beautiful house but have no friends. Sometimes... love presents itself in ways you'd never have imagined. Most times... the love of God shows up in disguise.

I don't mean to be negative... I don't even want to pass it off as being 'realistic'... But the truth is, nobody prepares you for life, because nobody knows whats going to happen next... Its like the blind leading the blind out there... I think we've lost a respect for the elderly - and maybe partly, life is so different these days, that maybe the older generation don't understand what its like to live a developing life in this day and age. But, mostly, I think we choose not to hear what they're saying. We all live life in pursuit of a dream, and to find true love. That's how we're wired.

I think philosophically; yet I believe in absolutes. I believe there is truth. I believe God is God, and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I don't understand the whole Bible intellectually, but I accept it as the word of God. And because of this... because of our human condition given to us by a faultless God... I get frustrated at my humanity, I feel as though I'm held hostage to my weaknesses... yet... in my heart I know that God's word is a lamp unto my feet. I know that I've got to trust in God with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding. God is first, not my plans. My plans fall by the wayside when it comes to the greatness of the almighty God. He has not forgotten me, he will not ignore me or withdraw his unfailing love from me. He will never leave me.

I don't understand why some things happen. I just know that God's way is perfect.

I'm all for believing.

When I was 15 years old, I went on a camp with my friends which was run by the local church. We went away to the country, we climbed a mountain and I complained the whole way up. I hiked beside a beautiful Texan girl who was the sweetest person I think I had ever met, she was in her late teens. As we reached the top and looked out over the view, the girl said to me -
"Amy, I have never heard anyone complain so much in my life."

Wow.

I looked at her and said, "How do you just be happy with everything? I don't get it."

She replied, "I ask God to make me content with every circumstance."

That really was the end of the conversation, but the beginning of a completely life-changing paradigm shift for me. If God could do it for her, He could do it for me. It wasn't just the no-complaining, it was her whole outlook on life... this peace she had... I wanted it. My insides were far from at peace.

Over the next few months, I just made a choice. I wanted to re-connect with God. I wanted to have a relationship with him... and here I am nine years later... just as convinced that He's real and so able to do .... anything, really. I believe nothing is too big for my God.

But having said that, I often think about some of Christianity's main ideas and how antiquated they seem. Perhaps they have been used in fables and fairytales for so long that they've lost some sort of connection with reality to today's world. Sometimes the thought of Heaven and Hell seems like something out of a cartoon. Like there's a devil with a pitchfork breathing fire, underneath the Earth... or angels playing harps next to the pearly gates. Well, with those representations... no wonder people think Heaven would be lame. If I had to play a harp for all of eternity (Or likewise, listen to a harp being played for all of eternity) I would go a bit crazy and bash down those Pearly Gates begging God for leave of absence, so I could whisk back down to earth to grab my iPod. And Hell seems to be associated with cool guys with tattoos and dirty electric reverby guitar solos... what's with that? If so... muuuuuuch more appealing!

Maybe we need a reality check here - providing you believe that God is a reality.

When I chose God, I chose the Bible and all the info inside of it as my 'truth' - and heck, I'm gonna stand on that! I'm gonna stand the crap outta that!

Heaven isn't about the harps. Its about an unadulterated, undistracted relationship with God.

Hell isn't cool face melting guitar solos. Its about an eternal disconnection with God.

Heaven isn't where good people go.

Hell isn't where bad people go.

Its not about 'good' or 'bad'... I believe (what the Bible says) is... when you choose God, after you die you spend eternity with Him. When you reject God, you don't. And I think everyone gets a chance to know God. Yeah, I believe people get by on death bed repentances... but personally, even though choosing to be a Christian can be difficult at times... for me, the good has always outweighed the hard. I would rather this "blink of an eye" that we inhabit within eternity, (which we call life) to be filled with a deep, sincere and honest connection with the God who threw the stars in the sky like pieces of glitter... who spoke and the world came into being...

Yes, I believe God made the world. No, I don't think its far-fetched or in any way mythical that a massive, omnipotent and omnipresent being could create everything that has ever been. No, I am not intellectually challenged. No, I don't understand science. No, I don't have all the answers. Yes, I will talk with you about this. No, I won't back down on what I think. No, I won't shove my views down your neck. Yes, I understand what you believe is different and I respect you as a person and enjoy the chance to learn about your mind and how it works.

Christians are not perfect. I am so far from perfect. I just want to give it my best shot, and be where God is. I want to be a normal person who lives her life differently. I never, ever want to bash people over the head with a Bible that says not to do that within its very pages. God is my shizz, my alpha, my omega: my beginning, my end. I love him, and I give him my life.

Its about perspective.

Ever feel like you lack vision? Ever get frustrated by a constant struggle with forward motion? ...

Do you ever feel like your life is like a torn up love letter to somebody who never loved you the way you loved them?

What if life was a book, the pages were blank, you were given a pen and the rest was left unwritten?

I was driving to work today... typically, I was focusing more on the song I was singing than the 'more than familiar' road I was driving. I started screaming the words to this particular song, because it was as if my spirit was shouting out what was the deepest need within me... I needed a paradigm shift.

"I am unwritten... can't read my mind...

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand ... ending unplanned.

Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window

let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find

reaching, for something in the distance...

so close you can almost taste it, release your inhabitions.

Feel the rain on your skin, no-one else can feel it for you

only you can let it in.

No-one else, no-one else can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken,

live your life with arms wide open... today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten"

I can't live a life that is defeated. I am convinced that my God is not finished with me yet, and no matter how many battles, limitations and hurdles I come up against... I will not lay down and die. I can't give up. I have come too far. Frustrations are a great catalyst for change, and I am damn sure I can't leave this Earth having done less than my best for a God who created the heavens, the Earth and... me.

Yesterday I took my dog out for a run at sunset, by the bay where I grew up. As we ran past other dogs, I saw her slow down and check them out... they had a brief interaction, which made me nervous... they could have tried biting each other's faces off... but they didn't. My dog, she just walked on by... never looking back for longer than a second at any dog she had just passed. And I felt an overwhelming sense of parallel to my own life. Sometimes, even when things look appealing they might be futile. And the only way to keep moving forward is to quit looking back. God reminded me that this world was birthed because he wanted relationship with his children. He didn't have to make the world beautiful - beauty was completely optional. Aesthetics are unneccesary and undeserved gifts, meant for us to enjoy. And just as the thought flickered through my mind, I looked over the bay and saw as the tide was out, at least ten abandoned boats on what once was water... and way further out... I saw an island with an enormous orange full moon peeking over the top of it. The sky was blue, purple, pink and orange. The water shimmered in the last glimpses of sunlight. I stopped in my tracks, and within two minutes the moon had fully risen. I watched in amazement. He rose the moon for me. And he did it quickly.

God knows that we get frustrated. God knows we want to advance. Sometimes all it takes is changing your perspective. For as long as you see yourself as stunted, frustrated and stuck... you will stay there. But where you see your life as a book that is yet unwritten, thats where the power is. Strength here, is my choice, my part to play. Prayer is the power force behind my advancement. I can complain that the moon is invisible, or I can go outside and put myself in a position to watch it rise.

God, increase.

It is the cry of my heart that in my drawing near to you, that you would draw near to me.

Powerful.

Last night I found myself standing in church beside one of the biggest legends I have ever known in my life, Pastor Ben Windle. He leaned over to me during worship and he said,

"Hey Amy, how's it going?"

and I smiled and said,

"I'm good thanks - you?"

He just looked me in the face and blinked... thought...and said...

"Powerful".

I looked at him, one eyebrow raised, he looked back at me

and we laughed...

"Powerful?"

Then he admitted, "Yeah, I've got nothing... sorry...".

This seemingly meaningless interaction got me thinking...

When was the last time I felt "powerful"?

When was the last time I even remembered how powerful my God is?

What is power and why is it necessary?

It seems, Mr Windle, you indeed had more than nothing.

HEBREWS 4:12-16

"For the word of God is FULL of living POWER. It is sharper than any two-edged SWORD, sharper than the sharpest knife - cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all of creation can hide from Him. Everything is naked and exposed before His eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done.

That is why we have a great high priest who has gone to heaven- Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to Him and never stop trusting Him.

This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet He did not sin.

So let us come BOLDLY to the throne of our gracious God.

There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it."

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Powerful stuff. The "Word of God" is "God's Word".

Thank you Captain Obvious.

But think about it. (Selah)

When somebody gives you their word, it means they promise you something. You are free to believe what they have to say is true. With people, you can never really be sure that means anything amazing... but here is God, giving you his word... a word that also states that He is not a man, he can not lie. God's word is powerful, sharp and able to cut into your innermost thoughts and desires.

This makes me think... God knows that our innermost desires are quite often pretty crap in comparison to what He would desire. And then again, God knows we are human. In Philippians it says that God gave up his status in Heaven to come into this world as a human being, to know what its like and to die for us. Jesus could have been incarnated as a man straight away - yet God chose to make him enter the world as a baby and God wanted him to experience growing up. Jesus could have been put on this Earth the same day he died for it. But He wasn't. He grew up amongst the people, he did human things, he proved his humanity YET didn't give into temptation.

When was the last time you said,

"But, God, you just don't understand how hard this is for me to say "no" to...."

...or...

"God, this is really hard for me. You don't know what it feels like to be tempted"

Hmmm. Give it a second thought, and those sentiments no longer have a leg to stand on. Jesus is, in fact, the only person in the entire history of the world to truly understand what temptation is. I read in Rob Bell's book, Sex God, that in order to truly understand temptation you need to know what saying "no" feels like.

In your "NO", there is power.

In your "NO" you'll begin to see God's "YES" to other things.

The word of God exposes us for what we really are. We are naked before God. We are nude before the one, the only one, that we are going to have to explain everything we have ever done to. Of course he knows it already. It is a scary thought, to think that we must stand before this awesome POWER and admit to our biggest failures. Terrifying, actually. Our fate depends on this lifeline. What would happen if you stood before God and realised that you didn't actually meet the mark?

Then it says... "COME BOLDLY".

What?! Face up to everything you've ever done wrong and come BOLDLY? That would take a lot of guts.

While I respect that God is POWER, while I understand that we should have a healthy dose of fear when it comes to God, I know that if God wanted to... he could smite this planet with just one breath, like he created it.... he could (if he wanted to), make me turn into a pillar of salt, just like he did to Lot's wife in the Bible... he could take away everything from me, like he did to Job... while I know His power can do all of this... the next verse shows what I believe His word tells us he will do.

"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will recieve his mercy, and we will find the grace to help us when we need it".

His grace is sufficient. In fact, His grace is more than we need.

As God's daughter, his servant and His friend; I want to live my life in a way where I want to do my best for Him, not because I should but because I want to. I want to live in a way that isnt scared I will miss out on a ticket to Heaven, but in a way that acknowledges my failures on a regular basis, apologises for them and chooses to believe that we serve the God of the second chance.

His love is powerful. In Him I have the same power that rose Christ frm the dead.

Dandelions.

"Lord, search my heart,create in me something clean. Dandelions... You see flowers in these weeds."

Sometimes I wonder why God would make people when he knew full well that they would not always live in a way that would make Him happy. Sometimes we fail fairly obviously, other times the "raw materials" of experiences within us could hardly point to us making anything but a bad choice. Sometimes its easier to ignore Him than to face up to our real problems. But pushing God away or not, He is still there.

Today, a reality slapped me in the face.

His love is boundless. It knows no beginning and no end. It knows no conditions. And actually... His grace is more than enough. Wow.

So many times I forget "grace", this undeserved gift that God has given... through ridiculously generous and sacrificial measures, so that essentially, I can make wrong choices and still be exonerated somehow. The very thought is consuming. God made a 'way' for me. At my worst, God shows His best. In my weakness He is still my strength. His love for me doesn't waver with my actions. He is a Father - a good, present, strong father. A father like that would see His child, even at their worst, as the most incredible thing to walk the face of the Earth. He would see this little person as someone who has changed his world for the better, and however much hard work this kid has created for him, however many times the child has disobeyed him... each time has been forgiven before it has even happened. The father is concerned with the child's motive, well before he is concerned about the child's actions. This father sees what the kid was trying to achieve, he doesn't focus on the mistake. He wants a process not a product.

Five Iron Frenzy was one of my favourite bands back in the early 2000's, and today I re-discovered a song called 'Dandelions', which completely describes how amazing our God is. Here are the lyrics. This is how I choose to start my new blog.

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In a field of yellow flowers, underneath the sun,

bluest eyes that spark with lightning, boy with shoes undone.

He is young, so full of hope, reveling in tiny dreams,

filling up his arms with flowers, right for giving any queen.

Running to her beaming bright, while cradling his prize.

A flickering of yellow light, within his mother's eyes.

She holds them to her heart,

keeping them where they'll be safe,

clasped within her very marrow, dandelions in a vase.

She sees love, where anyone else would see weeds.

All hope is found.Here is everything he needs.

Fathomless Your endless mercy,weight I could not lift.

Where do I fit in this puzzle,what good are these gifts?

Not a martyr, or a saint, scarcely can I struggle through.

All that I have ever wanted,was to give my best to You.

Lord, search my heart,create in me something clean.

Dandelions You see flowers in these weeds.

Gently lifting hands to heaven,

softened by the sweetest hush,

a Father sings over his children,

loving them so very much.

More than words could warrant, deeper than the darkest blue,

more than sacrifice could merit,Lord, I give my heart to You.

Lord, search my heart,create in me something clean.

Dandelions You see flowers in these weeds.

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