I used to think that when I got to be 24, I would be married or something. Maybe at least, be in a relationship. I probably didn't think I would be spending so much time trying so hard to learn the guitar, filling my room with guitars, spending my tax return on a new guitar and wishing I could skateboard while playing the guitar. I probably thought I'd be wearing professional clothing and sensible shoes. I probably thought I would have a grown-ups bed... not a loft bed (which is a glorified top bunk). I think I thought 24 was old.
Its not.
Not for me, anyway.
I have come to understand that my plans do not affect God's timing. I can sit here all day and decide my five-year-plan, I can spend my life what I will do with it... when all the while the opportunity to do those things is whittling away as I plan. There's faith: then there's deeds. Then There's God. I know which one is the boss.
I'm sick to death of being told (outwardly, and subliminally) what life should look like. I am sick of the idea that money brings happiness. Money brings 'stuff' and 'stuff' gathers dust, and ends up being sold on eBay. I am sick of thinking I've got to be skinny to have fun or be loved. I am sick of thinking that LOVE is one dimensional romance. I'm sick of the underlying message that a girl's happiness can only be found in the arms of a man.
Sometimes... that man won't treat you like he should. Sometimes he will suck the life out of you, until you're a shell of who you once were... and neither of you will know it until its been done. Sometimes... you'll lose the weight but not the baggage that came with it. Sometimes... you'll have more money than sense, live in a beautiful house but have no friends. Sometimes... love presents itself in ways you'd never have imagined. Most times... the love of God shows up in disguise.
I don't mean to be negative... I don't even want to pass it off as being 'realistic'... But the truth is, nobody prepares you for life, because nobody knows whats going to happen next... Its like the blind leading the blind out there... I think we've lost a respect for the elderly - and maybe partly, life is so different these days, that maybe the older generation don't understand what its like to live a developing life in this day and age. But, mostly, I think we choose not to hear what they're saying. We all live life in pursuit of a dream, and to find true love. That's how we're wired.
I think philosophically; yet I believe in absolutes. I believe there is truth. I believe God is God, and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I don't understand the whole Bible intellectually, but I accept it as the word of God. And because of this... because of our human condition given to us by a faultless God... I get frustrated at my humanity, I feel as though I'm held hostage to my weaknesses... yet... in my heart I know that God's word is a lamp unto my feet. I know that I've got to trust in God with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding. God is first, not my plans. My plans fall by the wayside when it comes to the greatness of the almighty God. He has not forgotten me, he will not ignore me or withdraw his unfailing love from me. He will never leave me.
I don't understand why some things happen. I just know that God's way is perfect.
